Hello people, surprised huh? Thought I was brutally murdered by a psychotic cookie monster? aha! Not even close. I know ave been silent for long and I should probably make up an excuse about how I was so busy, I couldn't even get time... blah blah blah no, I was just to lazy to give a f**k.

aaaaah before I go on, happy new year. A whole 365 days ( -14) to fuck up your life some more. We both know you"ll break all those resolutions you made, New year New me stuff, no, you are still the same old you doing the same old shyt. Look on the brighter since though, you can do it better now. A whole new year to f**k things up with a little more pizazz!

so 2014, the big Two Oh One Four, I'm really hoping for the apocalypse to come this year, we all just need to die and rid this earth of filth and sin. I know I'm not the only one rooting for the end of the world. Just hope it'll be after Arsenal win the league and Germany win the world cup ( I have the freedom to dream).

what to expect this year? well I have a feeling this is going to be one great year. maybe I'll get off my ass and do some thing productive with my life probably not. hope I inspire other lazy ass people to do the same.
Pardon my language I am testing out the purpose profanity in my grammar and I have to say I have never been more satisfied.

Disclaimer: Don't take this blog too seriously, its written by a schizophrenic off her meds for f**ks sake. She probably doesn't even know why shes writing this.
and I leave you with a quote from " The Rape of Lucrece" William Shakespeare; Extreme fear can neither fight nor fly.

How to survive a horror movie

After extensive research on horrific situations (watching a trillion horror movies) ave come up with a few tips to help you survive incase you find yourself in such a situation.
First we'll grade the situation. Is it
a) Supernatural ie Is a psychotic ghost trying to take your soul? Crazy mother from the past looking for her kid? Haunted house?

 b) A serial killer /escaped convict /crazy neighbour (thats the worst) got into your house?
c) Natural disaster
d) Cat trying to kill you

e) Zombie apocalypse
The last two are hopeless ,I suggest you pray for your soul cause you ain't got no chance against a death crazed cat.
Incase of a zombie invasion and you're a terrible runner I suggest you pray for your soul then shoot yourself in the head.
So tips on how to make it through in one piece.
1. Make sure you're not alone if you are ; I suggest you pray for your soul cause you're doomed.
2. Hide , find a good hiding spot. Unless you're in a supernatural situation then I suggest you pray for you soul cause you're f**ked. [ if your up against a ghost try reasoning with it ,if that doesn't work try cookies ,ghosts like cookies]

3. Get something to defend yourself with nothing sharp cause it might be used against you. Maybe a frying pan or bat .

4. Have a cell phone . This depends on how you usually treat your phone. Always have it fully charged and on you at all times.
5. Hope you're a good runner ,cause if you cant run ;I suggest you pray for your soul cause you're  done for.
These are my four essential tips to surviving through any horror situation. * they are probably c**p and you'll still die anyway .* goodluck though.