How to survive a horror movie

After extensive research on horrific situations (watching a trillion horror movies) ave come up with a few tips to help you survive incase you find yourself in such a situation.
First we'll grade the situation. Is it
a) Supernatural ie Is a psychotic ghost trying to take your soul? Crazy mother from the past looking for her kid? Haunted house?

 b) A serial killer /escaped convict /crazy neighbour (thats the worst) got into your house?
c) Natural disaster
d) Cat trying to kill you

e) Zombie apocalypse
The last two are hopeless ,I suggest you pray for your soul cause you ain't got no chance against a death crazed cat.
Incase of a zombie invasion and you're a terrible runner I suggest you pray for your soul then shoot yourself in the head.
So tips on how to make it through in one piece.
1. Make sure you're not alone if you are ; I suggest you pray for your soul cause you're doomed.
2. Hide , find a good hiding spot. Unless you're in a supernatural situation then I suggest you pray for you soul cause you're f**ked. [ if your up against a ghost try reasoning with it ,if that doesn't work try cookies ,ghosts like cookies]

3. Get something to defend yourself with nothing sharp cause it might be used against you. Maybe a frying pan or bat .

4. Have a cell phone . This depends on how you usually treat your phone. Always have it fully charged and on you at all times.
5. Hope you're a good runner ,cause if you cant run ;I suggest you pray for your soul cause you're  done for.
These are my four essential tips to surviving through any horror situation. * they are probably c**p and you'll still die anyway .* goodluck though.