DAUGHTERS OF EVE BLEED

I believe that the most dangerous thing to be in this nation as of today, is a member of the female gender. Beaten, stripped and even raped. Age doesn't even seem to matter . In the last month alone news have been filled with stories of 80 year old women being raped ,rape in a public vehicle and most recently a 3 year old by her own uncles??!!. Then the cases of women being stripped seem to have become a competition on who will make the news today. Its a nation gone mad on women. Men who have forgotten they were brought into this world by a woman.I'm tired of people giving the excuse that ladies a dressing indecently these days.yes, it is true, but why strip her? shouldn't the logical solution be to cover her up? isn't this just an excuse for men to do as they please ? It's a shame that we have let animals hide behind this excuse and strip our daughters of their dignity. I believe that the only answer is for the people behind this to look within them and decide if they'd rather be animals than human beings.

This horrors have made me so paranoid I have turned into a trained sleuth.I actually
1.I carry a nail file, [sharp enough to stab into someones carotid artery][plus they're pretty handy at eye stabbing]
2. a cable [just in case I have to strangle someone].
3.sachets of chilli powder[excellent blinding tool, just rip and throw] also came across this recipe for pepper spray on twitter.

 4. and finally big ass scarf [just in case it gets that far]. 
one thing I'm sure of is that if anyone tries to lay their hand on me, I wont go down without a bloody fight.  if all else fails ,I kick, bite, scratch and poke.

I commute to school 5 days a week, each day I use 4 public vehicles ie. matatus, to and fro, that's 20 vehicles each school week. before I board a matatu I ensure 
1. there atleast 3 other women in that vehicle
2. there no more than 3 men sitted within arm length of each other around the seat available
3. I sit next to the door 
4. and finally I do a quick calculation of defense capability from my seat.
I mean, doing this 20 times a week is really tiring shit And finding a matatu with these specifications? you can guess I'm usually late half the time.
I personally know that I dress decently and even sometimes a little boyishly but I am an extremely curvy lady,  I wear jeans and tees and still get catcalls. what the hell am I supposed to do? order some sack clothes? since all these shenanigans started, I can barely leave the house without feeling like a Jew in 1941 Nazi Germany. its no wonder this is what is happening outside the country,

I don't even blame them. I wouldn't advice anyone to visit this country either , save me the uzalendo speech please. I am ashamed of what this country has turned into.now, I have to go get more chilli powder as I accidentally used the last bunch I had with my lunch.

AM I A COWARD?

Does it make me a coward?
That each morning I lay in bed
trying to avoid reality, eyes closed
hoping I just imagined it
and that I'm already gone

Does it make me a coward?
That I'd rather be alone
than to invest myself in someone
and later have them gone
Does it make me a coward?
That I hide behind my words
I'd rather write it down
than say it out loud
away from that big crowd
Does it make me a coward?
To walk away before I'm in to deep
To keep myself bottled up, all neat
To hide behind a mask, fun and carefree
To swallow my pain and plaster that face
Does it make me a coward?
That life scares me more than death
That love I turn into burning rage
That joy I love to hate
That pain makes me feel great
Does it make me a coward?
To watch from a far
afraid to reveal who I am
running from what is real
hidding behind the words

CHILLING BREEZE

Have you ever felt it
the cold dark abyss
the freezing hand chocking your throat
the sharp blade against your neck
pressing so hard against your vein
your to scared to swallow
your scream dies in your larynx
your whole body goes numb.

When you see the face of death
he looks straight in your soul
he sees all your worsr fears
all your deepest secrets
you can't run from him
his gaze is entracing
his icy cold hands dig into your ribcage
pushes past your ribs, kicking the air out of your lungs
he grips your heart
and squeezes
hard
you feel yourself let go
your soul rises out of your lifeless cold corpse
only to be devoured by death

DARKNESS

As darkness comes
the moon beckons
he drags me from my sheets
to have me dance at his feet.

Enchanting darkness
reaching out of the madness
beauty of the blackness
I felt the cold caress
In his arms I am alive
dark black calling eyes
he spreads his wings
and off into my darkest dreams
I am a creature of the night
I get my strength from his light
I live for these nightly flights
into the forbidden delights

It burns from the pit of my stomach
a raging fire looking for escape
for days, weeks, years ave held it back
but what the point if I have nothing to lose
should I let it out and watch cities burn
take a front seat so I don't miss the fun
cause I ask
what is good without bad
how can we find light without the dark
don't we only know of heaven because we fear hell
we fight for salvation because there's evil
as the time draws closer
he grows stronger
I will have to choose
salvation or doom

IF'S

If I said no, would you still go
if I prayed, would it make amends
if I begged, would you give me another chance
if I changed , would you still let it end

if only I was that girl
the one that gave a fuck
if only I was the type
that believed in love
if only you could see
how I wish this would end
If's? Are questions I dont ask
I dive in, to live or to drown
I dont believe, in failure and crushed dreams
I rise up, and proceed along my path.

THE FEELS

When words hide behind the feels
I can't find the strength I need
to bring them forth into the light
to get past this mental fight
of what ifs and should nots
my mind full of colliding thoughts
but what's the point of it all
Cause no one ever wants to fall
tired of picking up the pieces
so I tuck in the words into the feels

Massive waves of nostalgia
seeping into melancholy pool
contrition dragging me down
trying to make me drown

I am not ready to go
Aphrodite I adulate
hoping she holds on
hankering to save me.
Salvation is a mirage
the struggle to keep afloat
fighting a losing war
against vices of the world
Standing like a boulder
braving massive storm
hoping to come out
ambition still unscathed

MORTIF

I am as cold as I am fluffy
could be to hide what is in me
my courage greatly misread
as arrogance and at times insane
I give back only what I recieve
can't love when all I get is hate
as I can't to stay down, waiting to be picked up
I get my own cause
I work for my own,
I am happy cause
I choose to be happy
I live my life
as I see best fit
I, because this is about me
my decisions, my consequences
my mistakes, my responsibility
my life, my choices.
I am Mortif

SOMEDAY

Someday
I'll say I'm over you
and I'll really mean it.
I'll look you in the eye
and not tremble
I'll stand infront of you
and not get the urge to hold you
I'll say the words I need to
without wanting to kiss you.
Someday,
I'll look in the mirror
and feel satisfied
I'll look at my heart
and find it healed
I'll look at my soul
and find it complete
I'll look at me
and feel relieved.
Someday,
I'll learn not to love you
and learn to love again
I'll learn to live without you
and move on with my life.
I'll learn to mend myself
and pick up the scattered pieces
I'll learn that there can be me
without you.
Someday, someday soon.

PATHS AND LOVE

I have always believed that
love is about you not me
don't get me wrong
I mean putting you before me
satisfying your needs before mine
loving you more than I
I believe love is about sacrife.
You with me so far? Good

I don't know if you get it,
dunno if you understand me
cause this isn't even about me,
no no, I am not trying to apologise
just trying to explain my decision
to give you my reasons.
Will you let me?
See, you were the prince
in search of his Queen
but on the way
you meet the witch
she cast her spell
oh how you fell.
Wait, this isnt a fairytale.
What is this even about
I must be losing it again
well it was time well spent
or not
hahaha all the best

NUMB ME

Bite my tongue
swallow the words
hide the tears
never let it show

practice that smile
perfect the laugh
hide the bruises
never let them know
change that light
doesnt have to glow
hides scars in the dark
never let them close
the pain, numbing
the shine, dying
the smile, fading
the lies, unravel
everythings shows
the light begins to glow
now they'll all know
can't hide it anymore

MONSTER WITHIN

When what is within you
is more frightening
than what is around you.
The monster in the corner
retreats everytime you come closer
The one under your bed
moved to Danny's instead
The one in the closet
couldn't fit with all those skeletons
it's darker within you
than a moonless night
your soul so stained
it lost it's everlasting shine
the blood dried up on yoh floor
even the flies wont come anymore
no more space in your back yard
guess you need a new graveyard
grim said he won't come over
since the last time you fucked him over
as you watch the darkness fade
at the start of a new dawn
you lay your head to rest
on your pile of bones.
A strong scent fills the air
smells like dried blood
death and rotting flesh
your delicate cologne.
The Queen of death
rot, flith and the dead
it's time for you to rest
see you at the next harvest

I'd rather be alone
cause ones you rely someone
no sooner are they gone.
I'd rather fight my own battles
cause sometimes the people beside
will be the one's sticking a dagger inside you.

I'd rather tend to my own wound
cause people will offer you a hand
just so they can poke their finger for fun.
I'd rather eat alone
cause the people you share yoh plate with
will poison you for the bigger half.
I'd rather lack in love
cause the person you give your heart
will probably be the one squeezing it dry.

THE HOOD IN SEARCH OF ROBIN

I look around, surrounded by too much hate
I speak out, hoping to bring change
Pushed to the ground, by murderous hands
words muffled out, by corrupt gags
hands tied back, by tribalistic thoughts

I watch my country, it bleeds from ignorance
too many people, drowning in misguided stereotypes.
Our youth, pushed to jobless corners
Our women, dragged to shameless corridors
Our men, driven to parked cells
Our politicians, they healthiest lot among us.
I had a dream, Mateam Loser
zingerise higher.
The long walk to freedom, only to find it was disguised shackles.
Ukoloni ilitudunga kisu, Ufisadi inatunyonya damu
lesser devil, larger devil, zote shetani
Kelele tumepiga lakini action tunahepa
ninawekwa pingu, nimekosa ID
lakini nimepanga line kwa D.O, mwaka nusu
wanidunga kisu, alafu unaniuliza mbona na bleed
unarusha kwa mafisi alafu waniita mlafi.
Tired, of promises that dine with lies
done, with politics that will never feed me.
Fighting a war, with soldiers turning on each other.
Hii vita si yangu, ni yetu

SUNDAYS MISSION

It's Sunday
the day we get to rest
the day we go to praise,
pray
thank
and ask
the day we go to that house
yes, I called it a house
was it not built by hands of men?
In this house
we flock in the name of God
aren't we like sheep in a herd
in search of our shepherds
but they have turned in wolves
that swallow us whole
or suck us dry
they have lost sight of the path
and lead us into the dark shrubs.

The sheep have also grown horns
in an attempt to find a path of their own
they turned this house into
A runway, to display the latest trend
A marker place, to sell their product
A gossip hall, to know who did who, sorry I meant what
an exhibition hall, to display the latest catch
and hunting grounds, to find the "one" or sometimes two.
With all these
so little space is let to pray
the stained ground cuts my knees.
This is why I'd rather stay away
cause I praise my God everyday
and I don't need a crowd
to prove to what is inside.
So I ask you this day
which is your mission today?

LESSONS NEVER LEARNT

Never thought I'd walk this path again
It reminds me of days of sorrow and pain
When all my pleading seemed to be in vain
Everything I worked for flushed down the drain.

I thought I was done
Learnt my lesson
You know,
Once bitten, twice shy
More like,
Bite me till I die
Cause,
I'm still here
Through the pain and constant rejection
I still find hope in that endless desert
I hold my faith strong as my knees bleed
Take the insults face brave for I believe.
They call me a dreamer, building castles in the air
But all I have left is my dreams,
for if not for dreams what do we seek?

EMOTIONS

Every word I didn't say, haunts me
Every move I didn't make, taunts me
Every minute we spent left me yearning
Every time we parted I wanted to say it.

Should have held on, should waited
Should have known, What you wanted
Should have given you, more chances
Should have let you, come find me
I shake, I scream, I tremble
I try to find my memory
So I won't forget the moments
That will remain in the future
I wish I could fix it
Every minute I wasted
Every dream I broke
Every emotion I didn't give
My apologies can't help
So I hope for the best
give yourself another chance
To have what we never had.

LOST

I need no one
I love no one
I'd fight for no one
I'd chase after no one
I'd change for no one
You are my no one
Cause there's none but you

Look for you even though I'm blind
Sing your name even though I'm dumb
Hang on your words even though I'm deaf
Dance to your tune even though I'm lame
You are my strength (cliche, I know)
through my darkest times
A little exaggerated
Okay, very exaggerated
But sense wouldn't explain
What I'm trying to say
You get it, Don't you?
cause I only have words
For where I lack voice
So I wrote this
What the hell is this?
no idea either
Anyhu, you get the picture
Say you do
Cause I have no other way
To tell you I love you

BREAKING

Lost in a crowd
Drowning on land
Floating in sand
Trying to find
What Ave never had

Stumble
Fall
Hit the floor
As I search for more
What?
I Don't know
Scramble
Grab
Only to find nothing
What can you find
In vast wilderness
Can't
Break hold
Of shackles I can't see
Fighting a demon within
With no weapon
Just me.
Run
Crash
Into dark walls
Of a labyrinth
Built by my own woes

I was a delightful child
Ate chicken poop and sand
Loved rolling in the dirt
And shitting in my pants
You can ask my mum
Always whooped my ass
Got me on the right path
This is just for rhyme
And a poke at my life

FATHER'S DAY

Father's day
Hooray
This day we celebrate the fathers
No, not the one who spit you from his loins
But the one who raised you to be great
The one who helped you up every time you feel

We celebrate fatherhood
Not the balls you came from
But the man with the balls to raise you
That man who held your hand
Who taught what is love
Who feed, clothed and educated you.
We celebrate a father
He doesn't have to be male
For many a great men
Came from under women
The woman who is also a father
To her children who know No other
We celebrate great men
Who know their purpose
Who took their roles as fathers
And brought up daughters
As well as sons with honour
We celebrate our dad's

TRUTH FORGED ON BLOOD

I know I look weary
My eyes give me away
My body seems to fail
But I still stand tall
Through this fire fall
I still tread on
Streets filled with blood and bones
I still refuse to bow.
I choose to stand
Till my feet give way.

I know I look fatigued
My wrinkles must give me away
My body seems to waver
But I still hold on
Through he insults
I decide to ignore
I watch my family tremble
At what is to come
But I choose to stand
Till my feet give way
I know I seem beaten
My wounds must give me away
My body full on sores
But I still stand strong
Through the screams
I shut my ears
Tear images from my mind
My brothers lay lifeless
From more mysterious hits
But I choose to stand
Till my feet give way
I know I seem done
My shaky security must give me away
my government full of holes
But we still feign dumb
Through the blood and chaos
I blame the other side
My citizens lay in lifeless piles
As we play blame the cat
But I choose to lie
Till the lie becomes truth

HOME GONE

I look at my mother
The beauty she once was
The treasures she one had
I see her cry as her children die
Her government blames everyone
Apart from itself.

I look at my country
The land I was born
The only home I know
I see her torn apart
By politics and tribalism
That suck her dry
I look at Kenya
The nation she was
The enchantment she once held
I see her in shambles
From endless blows
And falling fire
I look at africa
Where her sisters fell
From grace to ashes
Their children scattered
And lands left to vultures
I fear this is our fate

LOVE IN A LETTER

If I knew how to, I would write you a letter
A love letter,
Ave heard of those
Do they sing of my love?
Will the words hold you close?
will they explain why I need you?
Will they caress you
Make you think of me
Of the days we had?

If I wrote you a letter,
A love letter,
Would you smile
Would you close your eyes
And think of me
Would the words kiss your lips softly
like I used to
Would they remind you of me
If I wrote you a letter,
Yes, a love letter
Would it bring you back
Would it make you love me again
Would it show you the endless pain
Would you look at me
Like you used to back then
Would you be mine
If I wrote you a letter,
That love letter,
Would Hades open it's gates
Would heaven have pity on me
Would death give you back
Would you rise again
Would they all let me have you
Just one last time

MAN IN A SON

I look at my son and wonder
If I'll have the answers
Or the strength
To explain where daddy went
Why mommy is all he has
I look at his innocent eyes
I see the the gift I didn't expect
Even if he is So alike his father
I will raise him to be nothing like him
The monster,
The man who took everything I had
Left me out in the dark
Picking up the pieces
Trying not to fall apart
Holding on to fading hope.

I look at my son and wonder
If one day he'll learn the truth
From the lies I told
That daddy didn't die
Daddy wasn't a soldier
He never fought for his country
He never held him
Not even once.
Daddy was a coward
Daddy had no soul
Daddy was a monster
But until that day
His daddy will always be
The hero he'll never know
I look at my son and wonder
If I have done right by him
By raising him like a man
Who respects life
Fights for what is right
Stands up for the weak
Have I taught him of love
Kindness and respect
Have I given him hope
Of a better future.
I look into his eyes
And I see the man his father never was
I see a real man

GONE

It came from nowhere
Didn't even feel the impact
I just heard mommy scream
Then it all went dark
I rubbed my heavy head and opened my eyes
Everything looked strange
The white sheets
The metal beds
The smell of antiseptic
The tasteless curtains
The beeping of machines
Tubes sticking out of my arms
The tired nurse dozing off at the door
The flies feasting on the dried blood on my sheets
I had to wake up
I had to find mommy.
I lifted my heavy head
Realizing it was wrapped in bandages
I sat up and dragged my foot over the bed
But it didn't move.
No.
Nooooooo
Where was my leg
I touched the empty space at the bottom of the bed
WHERE WAS MY LEG
The tired nurse came and told me to come down
Calm down?? CALM DOWN???
WHERE'S MY FREAKING LEG??
calm down she says,
Sticks a needle up my arm
Then it all comes flooding back
That night
Mommy told daddy not to drink
Then the blinding lights
And mommy? I want my mommy
Mommy....

MAMA

Shouldn't have gone in
But you know
Kids.
So I took off my pants and shirt
Tested the water with my toes
Freezing
This was a bad idea
Mama said no
I took a step back
but someone pushed me forward
And I was tumbling
Splash!
The coldness surprised me
The water embraced me
Dragging me down
Pushing the air out of my lungs
And filling in
I knew I had to get back up
Hit the pool floor
Pushed myself up
Gasped for air
But I fall down again
This time I didn't have the strength
I couldn't break away
The waters holding me tighter
My lungs filled with water
I felt myself slipping
I thought of mama
Oh, how mad she would be
How she would whoop me
Slipped deeper into the darkness
Mama will be mad
Last strand letting go
I knew I was gone
Then I felt I hand on my shoulder
I was being pulled upwards
God? Is that you?
chest pumping
Lungs hurt
God, stop,it hurts
I coughed
More water
Opened my eyes
God?
no love, it's mama.
Mama? Are you mad?

BLOOS AND BONES

Blood and Bones... Or was it Souls?

Dressed in my armour, the darkest leather
stained with dryed blood, smells like death
the rotten smell of empty bodies
the wailing of drifting souls

I weild my sheild, in search of my next victim
my hunger , will it ever be quenched
I thirst for bloodshed and chaos
I dance at the pleas of mercy

ave been called many a names
Merciless and the such
feared and hated by all
my most common name is Death

DRUMS AND VIOLINS

Drums and violins

Ever heard the sound of a breaking heart
its like a piercing silent scream
only heard by creatures unseen
So subtle yet brutal
like wine glasses in a mill.
A broken heart many at times means a broken soul
like a pack of rabid dogs in a brawl
A rush of uncontrollable emotions
looking for a channel to venture out
the heart fells like it's being pulled out by an icy hand
squeezed like a rubber ball as if the drain it of blood
the numbing pain in the chest cannot compare to the choking tears that threaten to fall
the soul struggles to find meaning in the shambles of what remains.
A broken heart may be weak but broken glass cuts deeper than a blade.
A broken soul may be lost but a wandering dog bites worse than a wolf.

Breaking walls
built by norms
of beauty and size
expect tones.
Skin colour as told
hiding the you
to fit in the them
losing yourself
to fit in the crowd.
Your uniqueness is your beauty
your diversity is your crown
beauty is courage from within

First ever try at swahili.
Siku 10 tangu nilikuona
mtu 9 kwa rende
lakini yako figure 8 ndo niliona
venye ulichora 7
nilikufa mara 6
miaka 5 sasa tumekuwa pamoja
salary figure 4 bado hujaniwacha
watoto 3 sijui nitawalisha aje
tunaishi meal 2 kwa siku
juu ya kosa 1 nilifanya.

First ever try at swahili.
Siku 10 tangu nilikuona
mtu 9 kwa rende
lakini yako figure 8 ndo niliona
venye ulichora 7
nilikufa mara 6
miaka 5 sasa tumekuwa pamoja
salary figure 4 bado hujaniwacha
watoto 3 sijui nitawalisha aje
tunaishi meal 2 kwa siku
juu ya kosa 1 nilifanya.

Saw you with her
how fast you are
the dust hadn't settled
the sheets weren't even cold
before you jumped in with her.

She'll never be me
maybe that's the point
maybe I was the mistake
she's must be the correction
or something to grab my attention?
The games you play
I have grown weary of them
I'm done indulging myself
in your scripted little plays
tired of getting the short end.
Don't push me away
then pull me back in
I am not a bloody yo-yo
for you to swing around
knowing I'll always be back
I am done bleeding
my wounds grown sore
I tire from all the running
trying to find a place to lay
I just need time to heal.

LESSONS ON LOVE PART TWO

LESSONS ON LOVE Part Two

Love is the most misunderstood word
Right after, a lady saying no.
I'm not sure what love is
I'm only twenty after all
but I can give few trys

Love is:
Pure, it has no ulterior motive
Kind, letting me have your popcorn cause I ate mine during the trailers
Forgiving, It's okay that you killed my cat.
Accepting, you are fat and a lil' crazy but you're mine.
Honest, those jeans do make you look fat
but love is also:
Selfish, I don't want you smiling at other people.
Jealous, why did you like that **&¥** status
Impatient, why haven't you replied any of my 54 texts
Demanding, I asked you to bring me chocolate cake
Tiring, but we've done it three times already.
Love is the silly things like singing along to Queen in the middle of traffic or
baking cookies but eating all the dough
Love is the little things like spontaneous kisses at the bus stop or
holding your hand through the park
Love is the crazy things like late night nude jogging
or hiding the neighbours dog

Love is perfect but only in it's imperfections.

LESSONS ON LOVE PART ONE

LESSONS ON LOVE Part One

Love is a four letter word
with meanings at every turn
misused in attempts to open doors
I don't know if love can be defined
but I'll try in my different style

Love is not a fairytale
it has no happy ending.
Love is not a romance novel
Diego is just a herds boy who smells like shit.
Love is not a Porn flick
He'll not last that long.
Love is not kissing in the rain
that's how you get pneumonia.
Love is not watching the stars
you're too tired to stay up
Love is not sunsets on the beach
you live in Moyale or Machakos
Love is not Romeo and Juliet
they were just stubborn teenagers
Love is not looking into someone's eyes
that shit is creepy as fuck, awkward too.
Love is definately not a soap opera
shit like that doesn't happen in life

IF I DIE YOUNG

If I die young

Ave felt it coming for days
I'm not scared, just anxious
I long for it, tired of waiting
as the call gets louder
I get stronger

I dont think I'll ever be ready
I try to ignore it, live on?
But I can hear him sharpen his blade
he likes the games he plays
so you never see him pounce

I have few regrets
see bro grow
find out gunners won
marry Jared Leto
have fun some more

I'd like to be celebrated
have no tears shed
for I my life was well lived
besides all the mistakes I made
it was pretty damn great

I hate confined spaces
so please turn me into ashes
after my organs are harvested
the mango tree outside my window
that's where I want to be scattered

kiss my mother, tell her I was good
don't give me that look
I know it's not the truth
but I'll be dead, so my bidding you must do
or I'll have to haunt you

don't call it my funeral
deathday, byeday something cool
makes sure there's lots of rice
and hopefully champagne on ice
find a dj, let the people rock to paramore
and maybe some Macklemore
and if I didn't like you in life
Please don't show your bloody face

STORMS THAT BREAK

Storms that break

At one point in your life
you meet someone that blows your mind
doesn't matter how many others there've been
you've never felt something like this
for you can love many but you only fall in love once
you don't even know why you do
but you know you'll love them till the end
in life and in death.

Then they walk out of your life
as suddenly as they came in
you're left holding your heart
with wounds even surgeons can't heal
you break into pieces that can't be fixed
you cry yourself to sleep
for weeks without end
pain gets worse by the end of each day
trying to find meaning with what is left.

Falling is never easy especially if you have no one to catch you.

IF ONLY

If only

If only you knew
how much it hurts
feels like it was yesterday
but days have gone by
the pain gets worse
memories stab at me
never letting me sleep

if only you knew
how many times I wake up
to a tear soaked pillow
but plaster a smile on
and glasses to hide my puffy eyes
do you feel my pain

if only you knew
how your last words broke me
turned me upside down
but I still remember our last kiss
you used as a dagger
to make sure I was down for good

if you only knew
how I wish I could hate you
despise you with my every breath
but all I feel is yearning
love that won't die
memories that won't fade

If only you knew
how close I am to giving up
life seems like an endless drag
but, do you see me crumble and smile
see me lying on the cold ground
and feel content

if you only knew
would you still let me sink into cold gripping death?

EASIEST PLAY

Easiest play

Basic story
everyone knows it
others even own it??
falling for that sly smile
beautiful lies
sleek moves
smooth words
false promises
trying not to fall
but your strength fails you
you fall anyway
against your better judgement
and it's bliss
sugar and cream
honey so sweet
but only at first
the mask starts to unravel
petals start to fall
the true face starts to show
shocking truths
unbelievable plays
how you fell
for the easiest play

THIS THING CALLED LOVE

This thing called love

Have you ever loved someone so much they become like a part of you,
that any time you are apart you don't know what to do.
Or fall in love with them again
with the rise of every new day.
Words to describe the surge of emotions you feel
could not possibly exist.
Or how even their annoying habits
turn into your daily norms.
You love the way they smile and talk
even oblivious things like how they walk.

Have you ever loved someone so much it tore you apart.
When they walk away they leave you distraught .
That no matter how hard you tried
you can't get them out of your heart.
Words could not begin to described the havoc that is your emotions
the memories of their every inch and move torment you to the dark of night

Love, in my opinion is the greatest strength. It can either build or destroy.

MEMOIRS OF A PSYCHO

Memoirs of a psycho

Have you ever put a bullet in someone's head?
Have you ever driven a blade into someone's flesh?
Have you ever seen the human body in flames?
Have you ever seen a limb ripped out of place ?

The way the skull cracks
the way the skin parts
the way the flesh burns
the way the bone cracks

the blood splatters like oil on canvas
the skin part like a slit on fabric
the flesh burn like turkey in an oven
the bone turns like a sculpture in a square

it's all pretty much the same
starts with screams and pleas
ends in blood and flames
and a lifeless body to dispose

DROWNING IN DARKNESS

Drowning in darkness

I can feel myself slipping away
nothing I try can keep it a bay
I fall deeper into this abyss
I wish I could say it is out of bliss

I'm dragged deeper than ave ever been
the darkness makes it hard for me to breath
for a light into my soul is all I want to see
but I have nothing left underneath

nights of slumber are a myth
can't remember the last time I slept a wink
It comes for me everytime I blink
my soul, deeper it sinks

I grope for something to hold
for I lost my anchor a while ago
he couldn't take it anymore
that my mind had become its abode

WOULD YOU

Would you

If I was a little prettier
If I was a little skinnier
If I was a little funnier
would you look at me the way you look at her

If I could sing a little better
If I could dance a little better
If I could speak a little clearer
would you smile at me like you smile at her

what if I had fancy clothes
pretty shoes
bouncy hair
would you hold me the way you hold her

what if I had blue eyes
pretty lips
perfect skin
would you kiss me the way you kiss her

LETTING GO

Letting go

Tired of fighting with these memories
but I'm not ready to let go
Never gonna say goodbye
never gonna walk away

your words cut through me
like daggers with no remorse
is it out out of spite
maybe plain disgust

you keep pushing
as I struggle to get back in
seems like a futile mission
cause you've left me in oblivion

My hand is slipping
my fingers are numb
from holding on to tight
tempted to let go

I'd rather go numb
than go without you
it's never too late
until there's nothing left

BIND ME

Bind me

I saw you coming at the corner of my eye
you pounced so fast I had no chance
I tried to fight back but my will failed me
pleas and struggles were futile

you held me down by my neck
tied my wrists behind my head
feet bruised till they bleed
the pain seemed to have no end

The darkness turned me blind
The silence made me lose my mind
Days, weeks? I lost count
an abyss of dead hopes

What was the reason for your spite
Did I leave you distraught
was it an act of revenge
did I deserve what came my way

what was my crime
did I deserve to die
does it make you smile
to know that I'm gone

I'M I DEAD?

 I'm I dead?

I heard our song on the radio
the one we used to sing to
about playing God.
Did you hear it too?
Did you think of me?
Or I'm I dead to you
have you already forgotten me
was it that easy?
I'm I just a terrible memory now
a smudge on your clean canvas

Do you think of me anymore
of what we could have been
all the things we did
some stupid some sweet
answer me,
I'm I dead?

I DONT KNOW

I don't know

You know that song
the one that goes
everything you wanted and more
was I?
I don't know

who gave up first
was it me
was it you
does it even matter
I don't know

ave stopped waiting
gave up hoping
done crying
well, almost
I don't know

ave been alone
most of my life you know
this should be easy
shouldn't it
I don't know

Never had anyone to talk to
atleast that changed for a few
back to square one huh?
Funny isn't it
I don't know

too many questions
cant find answers
maybe I should stop asking
should I?
I don't even know

LAST LETTER SHE WROTE

it has become embarrassing when somebody asks for a place they can read some of my works of word and all I can give in response is my tattering notebook. so ave decided to sneak  them in here as well.

Last Letter she wrote

 

Sorry can't fix this
it can't take back what ave done
I can only lie here and weep
destroyed the only good thing I had
ductape can fix anything I heard
can we try it?
Every second that ticks away
I feel my self slowly die
your words cut deep into my veins

Oh my God I'm insane
at every turn I see your face
everything reminds me of you
even the water and the stupid dew
I remember your soothing embraces
and lingering kisses
and your smile
Oh Lord your smile
Monalisa would turn green with envy.
Your heart, so big it saw no fault
the world brightens at your waking
okay, maybe I exaggerated

My hands are stained by your blood
of the times I stuck my dagger into your heart.
I mourn not my broken heart
but my soul that lost its place
it weeps at every waking
and cries out your name
hoping you'll comeback
and hold it one last time

ave heard it a million times
if I could turn back the hands of time
blah blah blah blah
I can't
so I'll watch you from the shadows
like ave always done
Hope for one last kiss, embrace or even just a touch
forbidden as it is.
It's all I can do. Hope

Behind this make up

Behind this make up is a beautiful lady
Her mind brainwashed with images of
What beauty is, what beauty isn't
She is told the right skin colour, the right waist size, the right bra size
She must be this to get the love she seeks
Brazilian weaves and fake nails to impress people who don't care
Downs pills in search of that perfect waist
Applies creams in search of that light skin
Backroom injections, to increase some sections, to attract attention
Trained on who to be she loses who she is
So a little powder here, a little mascara there
Buries more of her beauty under there

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