IF ONLY

If only

If only you knew
how much it hurts
feels like it was yesterday
but days have gone by
the pain gets worse
memories stab at me
never letting me sleep

if only you knew
how many times I wake up
to a tear soaked pillow
but plaster a smile on
and glasses to hide my puffy eyes
do you feel my pain

if only you knew
how your last words broke me
turned me upside down
but I still remember our last kiss
you used as a dagger
to make sure I was down for good

if you only knew
how I wish I could hate you
despise you with my every breath
but all I feel is yearning
love that won't die
memories that won't fade

If only you knew
how close I am to giving up
life seems like an endless drag
but, do you see me crumble and smile
see me lying on the cold ground
and feel content

if you only knew
would you still let me sink into cold gripping death?